Today we have Smart Bitch Sarah in the house.
I interrupt this interview to announce the winner! TAROT BY ARWEN!
Email me at ann.aguirre at gmail.com to get your copy of this book. Congrats.
And back to the interview...
Along with her co-author, Candy Tan, she has written a kick-ass nonfiction guide to romance novels called BEYOND HEAVING BOSOMS. She's been touring all over the place and making the world smile, but amid her busy schedule, she agreed to answer a few questions here at Something Wicked.
1. If you could have a yoga position named after you, what would it be? Why?
Moarsleepclonebitchasmallassana. Wherein I can sleep, blog, eat, and do my day job all at the same time, by the virtues of tantric cloning. Om, motherfucker.
2. What’s the kitten-shits story that led to you meeting Candy and founding Smart Bitches? If it’s hella long, you can provide the Reader’s Digest Condensed version.
Back in the days when I didn't have small children and therefore had acres of extra time, I used to make my own cat food using raw meat and vegetables. I was like an amateur pet food nutritionist, only not good at math and formulas. I used to blog about the cat food recipes (because what is the internet for if not for inviting people to make epic fun of your sorry ass?) and one day, Candy discovered my blog after adopting two kittens who had epic runny poos. Nothing she did would calm the epic kitten shits. She started making her own pet food recipes and was looking for more (I think) and found my site. Then she started leaving THE LONGEST COMMENTS IN THE HISTORY OF THE GODDAM WORLD OMGWTF and regularly haunting my site. After the tsunami I mistakenly remembered that she was from Indonesia (she's Malaysian) and asked after her family's safety. She corrected me nicely, we started emailing back and forth, someone brought up romance novels, and Smart Bitches was born.So that's the real root of Smart Bitches: infant feline diarrhea. Fitting, oui?
3. What’s your favorite romance of all time? (Yes, you have to pick one and justify that decision.)
You know I skipped this question and STILL can't pick just one. DAMMIT.
OK: Bitten by Kelley Armstrong. 1. it schooled me that paranormal romance had a LOT to say about human nature 2. Armstrong PWND the whole free ebook idea early on by offering PDF downloads of the backstory of Bitten characters. 3. Smoldering hero = hott. 4. I've read it a shitload of times and could still read it again.
4. You’ve been accosted by a smelly dude on the subway and he’s insisting you do an improbable romance heroine cover art pose, lest the frottage commence. What pose do you choose? Why that one? Really? Okay, then.
If he's smelly, no question: the one where I'm facing away from him. For one thing, I can elbow him in the man junk if he tries anything, and for another, I'm out of the direct line of stank.
5. What’s your single best dish (assuming you cook)? If not, what’s your favorite thing to order?
I love to bake. Dessert = WIN. My best dish: chocolate ginger cookies with fresh ginger, dark chocolate, cocoa and spices. OMG YUM. The recipe is hella-intense, so I only make them at Hanukkah. Adam (the hubby) begs for them all year. One year I made some for his birthday (in July) and I thought he was going to weep with joy.
6. How did you meet Mr. Smart Bitch? What makes him Mr. Romance and how does he compare to romance novel heroes?
Oh, lord. This is nauseating. I met Adam in high school. I had been an exchange student to Spain my Jr. year, and was reasonably fluent in Spanish. So Senior year I took Latin. And I HATED the class, particularly the teacher. So I transferred to Spanish 5, thinking that if I were already fluent, I'd get an A. I did get an A, but an "unsatisfactory" in citizenship, which was my school's equivalent of "how badly you fuck around in class." Adam was in my Spanish class, and I had a massive, MASSIVE crush on him. We ended up dating other people that year, but the summer after our Freshman year of college, we ended up working at the same sleepaway camp. After that summer, we were a couple, and have been since. That was in 1994. Holy shit. I just did the math. Wow.
Adam is Mr. Romance for a million little reasons. He's an exceptional father. He's hilarious. He's incredibly smart (he hates when I tell people this but he was the valedictorian of our high school class - one of two. I was NOT the other one. I failed all my classes in Spain except English and as a result had an abysmal transcript). He likes to cook dinner. He LOVES to do laundry. And he's my biggest fan.
The only real difference between him and an actual romance novel hero: Adam does not have epic man titty. This is a good thing.
7. What’s the one thing we need to know about your book, Beyond Heaving Bosoms?
Our goal: to make you lose bladder control at least once while reading it. Take the Bosoms challenge! See if you can read it without wetting yourself!
8. Bonus question: (fill in with whatever you’d like to answer that I didn’t cover)
Best thing about starting SBTB: discovering a shitload of authors (like you, wench!) of whom I might not have heard but by whom I am so very very entertained. Talented, smart people frequent our website. I am extrordinarily fortunate to have met so many amazing people.
Now, lucky commenters, a random person will win a copy of this hilarious magnum opus.